Im so sick and tired of feeling like I have all the friends in the world, and when I feel like everythings okay, it all comes crashing down, I'm emotionally unstable, I don't do the depression thing for attention, I don't even do it on purpose, it's coz my heart is heavy and I can't hold it up anymore.
It's been this way for as long as I can remember. In Prep, my two best friend ever, Ivy and Rav, we did everything all the time (Rav was a guy so he sometimes hung out with the guys.) But we were close, then at the end of the school year, they'd both moved schools, and my Yr 6 buddy had left me aswell, lucky for me in Grade 1 I had an awesome teacher, and Georgia and Jess. Jess and me lived on the same street, in the middle of Grade 1, she'd left and gone out of the state. Georgia was the only person I hung out with for the rest of grade 1. By grade 2, I made new friends, and my lifelong friend (who is a guy), Dermie, was in the same class as me. Things were getting okay again. Josh was also a friend I had - we hung out a lot, and Alysha. I felt so awesome that year. Untill Josh was in hospital, Alysha moved and Georgia started to play with other people. My only friend was Emily, who Dermie hated which fucked things up in Grade 3 - I don't wanna even talk about Grade 3. At the end of Grade 4, Dermie hated me, Em was my only friend again and Georgia had left the school, along with most of my other friends. At the start of Grade 5 - Dermie was in a class with none of his friends, not me not anyone, and a girl was making his life a living nightmare, he moved Grade into my grade, I was happy, I hung out with Dermie, Em was a loner, but the teachers loved to talk to her. Dermie left the school. I haven't seen him since, that's the most heartbreaking thing ever. (especially since we had a massive crush on each other, I know coz I asked him.) Year 6 was probably the best year - Yingle and Sars were my friends, Em hated them, so she went and hung out with Viv and Bec. Yingle and Sars are still my friends, and I love them, you guys are awesome. But then, I broke up with Jason (my boyfriend of a month, I kept him totally secret from everyone at school ^_-) and I had to leave the school and go to highschool, I went to a school that no one else I knew was going to - I was truly alone. I befriended Tess, we hung out fr the first few weeks of school, untill her friend came back from her holiday - then I was alone. But I was soon friends with Tess' friend and Lauren, :auren didn't have a whole load of friends, but she was cool. I suffered a lot of depression last year in Year 7, with the teachers not undertsnading me, being alone a lot, just stuff like that, normal stuff, but my emotions are unstable, so it went further than it should've. This year, I still feel alone, like no body really likes me and they just let me hang around coz they feel sorry for me, I know I'm not perfect and my hairs boofy, and I'm a little tiny bit overweight, I know that.
I'm Alone. I always have been, everyone who I think I'm gonna be friends with forever, either leaves the school or hates me. I'm alone in the universe and Misery Loves Me. Sorry for a long annoying rant - I just need to let out my fears and emotions sometimes.